An Unshakeable Testimony

I have shared my testimony six times.

Six times to a group of curious onlookers that is.

The thing is I love testimonies; hearing testimonies, sharing testimonies, digging deep and seeing Jesus' hand in every ones lives. I even love sharing my own. I've shared at least a dozen times the in-deep story of my life, full of intricate details, of pain and sorrow but also how joy always comes in the morning (and mourning for that matter). But always with these, I share one on one, with no threat, no judgement and no fear.

Of the six times, half have been effortless, full of strength and power. I would tell my story with a voice of confidence. Oh how beautiful it is to look at how far the Lord has brought me, and all that he has saved me from. Only Him alone.

And then there are the other three...

Like this past weekend, I shared my story not with a voice of confidence, but one of a quivering nature. With words falling out of my mouth, not in control of the story I so desired to share.

My life points to God from the time I was an infant. A life of him calling me before I knew his name. But did I perhaps already know the sound of his voice?

Deuteronomy 1:33 paints a picture of God stepping out in front and leading his children.

"He who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go."

Before I knew him, he very much knew me. He would lead me and guide me through the mire of the worlds unfavorable strains on my youth. With my fingers interlaced into his mighty right hand, he held a shield of love so firmly in the other. Life's brutality could never send enough darts of fire to destroy me. Why? Because he had already claimed me as his own. And to him, I was worth fighting for. The only explanation of how I possibly could have walked through the life I have lived is because of Jesus himself. No one else but my King could have done that.

So on occasion, when I shake in the fear of man, the power of Jesus and the healing and restoration in my life is simply unshakeable. 

He has bestowed favor upon me.

To be honest, he never left me alone long enough to dwell in the pains and hurts. He never really left me alone at all. His strength became my strength, his joy my own. Even before I knew it was him, I knew it wasn't possible for me to have mustered up all that was needed to not only just come out fine, but to come out the way that I did. I knew it then at twelve, at fifteen, at twenty. But had no ability or understanding of how or why. Only when I came to know who he was and his character and love, did I recognize that it was he who had been sustaining me all along.

He unveiled my eyes to not only see a future of joy, but a past of a love that far outweighed anything I possibly could have ever known.

I have never suffered with guilt or shame. I've never suffered with  anger or the inability to forgive. Why? Because of his love.

Sometimes I wonder why he chose me. When he saved me as a baby, he already knew he would spare my life once again. And he did.

Was it just so I would know him, or accept him into my heart? Though that would be enough reason alone, my heart tells me otherwise.

He spared me so that my hands may serve him. He spared me for "a time such as this." I don't know when that moment be, and if or when it will come to pass, but I can feel in the depths of my heart that this life has become his, for something specific.

He has something in His plans for my life that will be bigger than I can imagine. I know it. And until then, I will be still and wait diligently.
Maybe it is to be a wife and a helpmate to a man with a task bigger than he could do on his own.

                         Maybe it is to raise up a family in His ways.

                                             Maybe it is to be a writer to share His word.

 Or maybe it is to encourage just one girl who has a painful story of her own.

No matter what it may be, when the time comes and he reveals the purpose of my hands for the rest of my numbered days, I will gladly stand up and say "Here I am Lord, send me."

                    Now is the time to worship

                   Now is the time to bow down

                  And hail you as King

Building A Home

Building a home. Ahh... the sweet sound to most woman's ears; indeed may I say ALL woman's ears. We want to build a home in Him. We want it to be beautiful, comfortable, joyous. A place to dwell, a place to rest. A place of beauty.

Psalm 84:3 paints a beautiful picture of a sparrow finding and building her nest at the alter of our King. She first finds a place of security; a place of comfort and where she can trust in it for the years to come. She chooses the feet of our God. And then she begins to build. I just can picture it clearly; her actively choosing what to bring back to build her home with; discerning what will add stability, what will last through the storms.  She must toil, and she knows it is no easy task. It will take hard work, but her labor will not be in vain! If she chooses wisely, she will build a home of beauty at the alter of the Lord.

Verse four says "blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise!" Is the Lord then saying that, with hard work and determination, we can build our own house in the house of Himself?!? That each room of our home, so whether we are sleeping, or cooking, and curling up in a comfy chair with a good book, we will be doing all these things in a home that is as much His as it is our own. Ever will we be surrounded by peace, and joy and courage because we will be with Him. Four walls of encouragement and edification; of love and reassurance. Now that is the kind of home I want!

Psalm 91:1 says that "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." It is a daily choice to dwell in His shelter, but it one of high worth. The pursuit of building a home that honors him, and glorifies His work, will be rewarding in the end. It is the beginning of the ability to rest while we wait. To wait for Him to speak, or to move or to call us out. Either way, in the midst of this world, His shelter is the only place we should desire to call home. Only there will we find a life of value.

A New Year, A New Blog

I can hardly believe it is a brand new year. 2012 already. When I look back on this last year, I see twelve months of testing, refining and growth done by our gracious Lord in my own life. On the first of January a year ago, I was sitting for the first time on a rooftop in Haiti, asking God if it was in His plans to move me to this broken country. Exactly a year ago was my very first day in Haiti. And unbeknown to me, I would shortly thereafter pick up my life and live in Haiti for over four months. A third of my last year was spent away from what I would have called home. But somehow, the Lord allowed Haiti to become home.

As always, God used every season of last year to refine me in his character. While I attempted to walk through each trial with humility and strength, I must admit that I failed more often than succeeded. But our loving Father was able to pick me up, dust me off, and love me nonetheless. Even when I fell short of His glory, the Lord still filled me with his truths and wisdom.

Eleven Things I Learned In 2011

1. The Law of the Lord is perfect. Psalm 19:10-11 says; "More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey, and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward."Jesus' truths are more important than this world. Always.

2. How to forgive. In much humility, this was a continual process throughout the year.

3. How to lay down my burdens at the foot of the cross and NOT pick them up again.

4. I will always fall, and Jesus will always pick me up again.

5. Community is vital for the soul.

6. How to capture my thoughts. I had no idea I am such a day dreamer! I think part two of this teaching will occur this year too. :)

7. The true meaning of being a disciple.

8. Giving up my plans for my life, and picking up the plans crafted by Jesus. His are better anyways.

9. Contentment in singleness. The Lord asked me to be single for a full year and spend that time growing in Him. Sometimes the Lord just wants you for himself. I learned how to build up my character in Him alone, to define myself through his eyes.

10. The true meaning of spiritual warfare.

11. The art of gleaning from wise women.

Already today the Lord has laid the foundation into a glimpse of what I believe 2012 will hold. I started the year off in a prayer room with four other lovely ladies and two pastors, praying and speaking wisdom into my life. I have no idea what this year will look like, and while I would not call them "resolutions" I did set a few desires before me to strive for over the next 365 days....

- To strengthen my walk and allow each day to be more upright than the last. Psalm 84:11 says For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Who wouldn't want to see the good things the Lord has for us?

- To grow my roots deeper in Jesus that even if it is a year of drought, I will still be bearing fruit. Read Jeremiah 17:7-10. I want that.

- Grow in faith while I wait patiently for his plans. I want Him to write this year of my story. Here Jesus, I will gladly hand over the pen for my life.

- To abide and to serve.
 
Here we go 2012. I cannot wait to look back in twelve months and see all of His goodness in my life. And here is where I would like to welcome you to join me on my adventure. Who knows what is about to happen....